so.....................my mom literally just told me that from kindergarten onwards, i would tell everyone i was going to be an actress when i grew up (not that i wanted to be, but that i would be - no uncertain terms). she's been wondering about it my whole life: why didn't nathania do theater in high school, why doesn't she major in it in college, what is she waiting for, etc...
i don't know at what point i shoved the certainty away and forgot about it, but the moment i realized that acting was what i wanted to do in high school (and it was a finite, concrete moment) it felt like a new thought. an epiphany that arrived from outside of me. but little did i know that it had been quietly waiting, hidden under layers of fear and forgetfulness.
i was completely blown away by this realization. i have a really good memory for these sorts of things but my mind is drawing a complete blank on these moments, even after being reminded. my mom never thought to mention it. she was surprised that i had forgotten because it was just such a certain, unwavering desire and she has just been waiting for it to materialize in my life.
so here you go: i am an actor. already. and i will only become even more so as time passes.
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