my year in the words of kanye west

so, i'm a little sheepish about the part of me that loves a good r & b tune. i don't know why. actually, maybe i do. i think it might be that the genre is pretty sexy/sensual and i am shy about owning that part of me {for the most part, there are weird and random exceptions}. and then part of me is a music snob. sigh...yes, it's true. i like deep music. but i should own up that i also like fun music.

anyway, i was just sent this song by my primary dealer of r & b music {eden smith - woot woot}. it doesn't happen often where the lyrics of a song jump out this quickly, but i immediately looked them up and was struck at how it tells quite a bit about one of the larger events of the year. the narrator switches in my mind. alternating between different points of view on the same relationship space.

and on the topic of jaimini, my friend rachel is amazing. she warms my heart through and through. i've only seen her a few times this year and one of them was this past sunday. sitting on her couch lapping up the sunshine, we were reminiscing about an evening jai and i spent with rachel and her husband at the end of january. she said: "that night was so much fun. {a beat} i keep thinking: i fed that man soup and he did this."

even though it's all old history now and onwards and upwards for me, sometimes care from friends can be expressed so poignantly you just want to melt into the floor.

this was one of those times.

love lockdown - kanye west

i'm not loving you way i wanted to
what i had to do, had to run from you
i'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong
and that haunted me all the way home

so you never know, never never know
never know enough, 'til it's over love
'til we lose control, system overload
screaming: no, no, no, n-no!

i'm not loving you way i wanted to
see i wanna move, but can't escape from you
so i keep it low, keep a secret code
so everybody else don't have to know

so keep your love lockdown, your love lockdown
keeping your love lockdown, your love lockdown
now keep your love lockdown, your love lockdown
now keep your love lockdown, you lose
i'm not loving you way i wanted to
i can't keep my cool so i keep it true
i got something to lose so i gotta move
i can't keep myself and still keep you too

so i keep in mind when i'm on my own
somewhere far from home in the danger zone
how many times did i did ya for it finally got through
you lose, you lose

i'm not loving you way i wanted to
see i had to go, see i had to move
no more wasting time, you can't wait for life
we're just racing time, where's the finish line

so keep your love lockdown, your love lockdown
keeping your love lockdown, your love lockdown
now keep your love lockdown, your love lockdown
now keep your love lockdown, you lose

i'm not loving you way i wanted to

i bet no one knew i got no one new

i know i said i'm through, but got love for you
but i'm not loving you way i wanted to

gotta keep it going, keep the loving going
keep it on a roll, only god knows
if i be with you, baby i'm confused
you choose, you choose

i'm not loving you way i wanted to
where i wanna go i don't need you
i've been down this road too many times before

i'm not loving you way i wanted to

'so keep your love lockdown, your love lockdown
keeping your love lockdown, your love lockdown
now keep your love lockdown, your love lockdown
now keep your love lockdown, you lose, you lose
you lose, you lose, you lose

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvk0zgapL6w

currently listening to: love lockdown - kanye west