{and let me say before i begin: i already know the answer to my musings - the frustrating punchline of patience in the face of so much restlessness.}
i hate being conflicted. well, really, i hate when the conflict is not about what i want, but because of how i judge myself in the face of it. how it rests and is restless in me. do i move forward and throw myself into the internal fray, hoping to come out more at peace with myself and these specters -spectators?- of inadequacy vanquished? or do i pass this by, knowing i'll find exactly what i want further along and leave the ghosts for another day? even if/when i get what i want with zero concessions and compromises, this thing in me will still be hunkered down underneath the veneer of satisfaction if i don't do something about it. but is now the right time and is this the right thing?
in the end, i know it's not really up to me and my intellectual machinations, and all i really need to do is just keep breathing and moving and living and being {patient and kind to myself, among many other things}.
currently listening to: radiohead on shuffle - down is the new up & where i end and you begin
photo credit: imdb.com - the village movie stills
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