there is only one thing i wish i could have done differently. well, two really, but the second...well, not too big of a deal, but the biggest was me not stepping into my self fully but choosing instead to simply following what everyone else was doing. our final exercise was to spend one minute in a chair giving a "video pen-pal speech." then someone has to come up after you and give a rewind where they reproduce what you just did as much as possible. most were funny, whimsical, non-serious. but i wish i'd thrown down the gauntlet and actually said something truly real, not just real by association.
i talked about color in a scattered sort of way, but i missed an opportunity to say and share something of substance about myself. my goodness, why didn't i go with my impulse and talk about radiohead? will says he would have jumped up even faster if i had done that, but would he have really if i had been completely truthful and passionate and honest about radiohead and that experience? would he have thrown in the mockery he assumed he would have added had i picked that topic not knowing what i would have said and how i would have said it?
how would have a minute of substance actually affected that class?
up the ante. it's just the first day, but then every day counts.
humor has been something i have noticed myself and other people using a lot lately. deflect. defend. stay safe. keep things at a distance or cloak their real intentions. a joke, a gesture, it's all just laughter and good fun, but is it really?
just. it's such a stunning word that cuts something off at its knees in one little syllable. i think a lot of these things aren't just anything. so then i wonder at my choice to remain light. i thought about talking about color when i first got up, but then i didn't make any bold choices after that, any deep commitments. i stayed in the shallow end. do not dive in.
i think part of me is afraid of being too heavy and serious and always giving things weight and substance when really, it's just for a "video pen-pal"? and yet, at the same time, if i were actually doing this, if that were me up there really trying to connect with someone significant and interesting, i would have said something totally different. i would have gone for something real, because i don't like wasting my time on the frivolous anyway.
bah. bah! okay, now i need to not regret my decision to stay superficial. i'm aware of it now and i can move on and dive deeper next time. don't be afraid of going there just because the rest of the class hasn't.
on the other hand, will was pretty stinking funny as nathania. i think all the time he'd done as mrs. mccutchin has paid off. he jumped up really darn fast to recreate my one minute of mannerisms, animation and speech. as soon as i saw him stand up i was laughing. and i was reduced to tears by the end {still laughter, thank goodness}. he had some great moments of being completely spot on and some that were tinged with hyperbole {i hope}. it was pretty brilliant. he didn't quite get the crossing of the legs right, but one can't hold it against him. it wouldn't be a good thing if he had my legs/hips/movements down perfectly. the hyperbole on the other hand, just a few things here and there were over the top....{punk!}.
tuesday. day two. too far away.
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