i love touch. after a year on and off in contact improv (a style of improvisational modern dance based around physical contact with your partner), i am more apt to communicate through the medium of touch, but our culture is staid and protective and requires a strict minimum distance.
but not today in class.
we took turns giving a partner an upper back/shoulder/neck/arm massage during our warm-up, but with a twist.
our eyes had to be closed.
i was in a group of three since we have an odd number of students in class and so we had a little line of one receiving, one giving and one doing both simultaneously in the middle. at the switching point, we just turned in our spots and reversed roles with the one person in the center both times. after we finished, the teacher came and led me to the other side of the room. i knew within seconds that i was standing next to morrie and felt a brush from her partner, who was easily identifiable as will. we spent several minutes standing in our enforced blindness listening to the shifting of the room as robin separated the other groups. when she was finished, she had us silently find our partners again.
the blind search began.
there was a two part thrill for me in this exercise. the first was how distinctly we communicate through touch. initially from will: this isn't morrie, who is this? and standing next to morrie while we waited in nervous anticipation: you still there? nathania? yes, i'm here. morrie? morrie {smile}! all thoughts were so clearly articulated in the simple series of pats and brushes as i slowly walked from one person to the next in a vain search for by partner. yes, i already met you once before and no, i'm still not your partner. i felt apologies from people: sorry, i'm not the person you're looking for. and there was overall such gentle care for each other in this space that even in my disappointment, i felt connected to the other person who more often than not. even after i knew they weren't ryan or monica, i still stayed an extra second to discover who it was with me in this space.
since i had only worked on one of the two partners, i found myself clearly looking for ryan. i think at some point i even came across monica, but passed her by in uncertainty. slowly the room became still as all the other pairs connected and the other big surprise for me in this exercise was how upset i got as gradually the room became more and more quite and i got more and more desperate to find my group. i worried that robin would end it before i found them or that somehow, since they had found each other they wouldn't continue looking for me. as i came across more and more pairs my anxiety levels increased but the moment my hand grasped another that reached back with equal distress and relief, i knew i had found them. it was just a hand, but i didn't need anything else to identify him. even his freshly scrubbed soapy smell only confirmed what i already knew instinctively.
robin then let us open our eyes and i had a third surprise when i saw how upset they were too. somehow since i was the alone one, i figured they would mean more to me than vice versa. actually, i think i don't need much excuse to believe that, so it was interesting to find that surface in this exercise.
as we gathered together to talk about the exercise, i couldn't sit close enough to them and ryan {only slightly} jokingly said don't ever go off like that again. and i was warmed.
i want to circle this back to bigger themes of touch. communication. emotional intimacy. etc. but it's late and i think i'll leave those for another day. again. or perhaps, i'll just leave them for you to puzzle out yourself.
currently listening to: straumnes - sigur rós
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