i have a hard time being vulnerable under imaginary circumstances. being present? check. spontaneous and in tune with my partner? check and check. but somehow as soon as i am having to rely on my dramatic imagination, criticism from my audience becomes a big. friggin. deal. and i freeze up.
and this is one of the things i will need to let go of in my acting.
robin gave one great note from the sidelines that had an immediate effect. take the lid off, guys. and suddenly i sake so much further into what i was doing: meticulously cutting out paper leaves to be painted red and inscribed with messages to my father. a last chance of inparting hope in such a hope/helpless life.
i keep catching myself holding back. but only after the fact. i know i freaked one scene partner out a tad and i can't even imagine what would have happened if i had exploded the way i know i could have.
aiflsmaiwfjsldcl......i'll get there. i just have to trust the process.
trust, nathania. seriously.
i'm listening to thom crackle through the live version of super collider. the life altering event i conjured for myself for today's class was that i had been invited into the studio for the making of radiohead's next album. i was going to be documenting the process with pin hole cameras, holgas (take that stupid security guards at the santa barbara bowl!), video, iphone camera, etc. just crazy wacky things. and i was going to watch their art unfold. sit down to tea with them. dance like a madwoman around the studio with thom. play a fruit shaped shaker. it was a glorious fantasy.
back to reality. and my seven hours of sleep are reduced to about 6 and a half, so i'm off.
madly yours,
n.
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