things that make me feel...

like an adult:

reconnecting with lost friends.
cleaning my house on hands and knees.
listening to radiohead. the emotionscapes thier music creates.
memories.
going through old family photographs.
paying bills.
riding the bus to work.
taking care of a spider (ick).
burying my grandfather.
going out to visit my grandmother.
road trips (where i'm the driver).

like a kid:

singing along to radiohead. but only in very private places. like alone in my car. or in the shower.
delight in beautiful colors.
delight in beautiful live performances (sigur ros, radiohead, kaki king...)
delight period.
fun and tasty foods. like ice cream in a cone and breakfast waffles.

worried:

money.
acting. whether or not i am good enough.
my father.
my mother.

giddy:

crushes.
new friends.
radiohead concerts.
sigur ros concerts.
eden smith.
sheree goertzen.
coincedences.

hopeful:

that feeling in the pit of my stomach that is an infallible compass.
it always points true north.
(except once, and i'm working my way towards forgiveness)

hopeless:

the one time the compass didn't point true.

confident:

my red dress.
radiohead concerts (with results that are shhhh).
doing well in class.

beautiful:

fine feathers - nice jeans, a red dress, a green dress, etc.
dancing around my apartment with my low slung brown cords that hug my hips so well.
a certain (platonic) arm wrapped around me.
my brother's hugs. he has the unbiased grace and appreciation of a parent.

ashamed:

admitting to moments of feeling beautiful.

..........
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and
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oscillate like i'm a freshly tapped tuning fork:

random connections to people that surprise me - c, s, j, j, m, & n, just to name a few.
close friends.
old friends who come back out of nowhere.
class.
radiohead.
music.
beauty.
beauty.
beauty.
beauty.