it was the wee hours of sunday
and we were curled up on my bed
bodies sprawled and eyelids drooping
and i was telling our story to new ears
and listening as they might hear it
.
only to find that the obvious
has been staring me down
until i could meet its eyes.
.
i guess i was finally done
looking stubbornly in the other direction.
.
it happened when i came to the place
where things fell apart:
suddenly your lie came forward as a lie.
.
and i am ashamed to admit that i knew it even then.
as soon as it was said.
the proof in the drawn out pause
before your dishonest delivery of one little syllable.
no.
.
but i wanted you to be the truthful person i loved you to be.
the courageous one that believed in us
enough to face the consequences of actions.
especially honest miscommunications.
.
and the irony rests here:
in discovering the most acheful betrayal
i have also found the most peace.
in knowing what was going on for you,
even if it was guilt for a mistake
or maybe just regret for misleading me
down the path of commitment before you left
i could feel that i understood you once again.
.
so i may or may not send this email
but in the end the most imporant thing is that
i have empathy for you.
.
and for me.
.
because in order to make you honest i had to silence my own truth.
and i'm finally
done
living out your lie.
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