night 38 {water dreams}

the dream i had last night won't leave me. lots of skin. water. the driving desire to connect--the expectation of disappointment. surprise. more desire. the gentle tilt of that pelvic triangle curling toward another. contact. connection but still chaste. sweet instead of sexy. not that it wasn't. it was. teasingly so.

i am lying now in an entirely different bed, and different city, rubbing my eyes like an exhausted child not sure what to do next. email sent. request made. but still overwhelmed by the intersection of what i want, what i can't seem to manifest, and how i can go about taking responsibility for the things i do to get in the way of myself. get in the way of what i want. it seems so close at times only to disappear just as quickly. more than once.

here we are again and i am tired of playing the fool card. tired of falling back on hope and mostly just plain old tired tonight.

dreams, please be quieter, restful, and if they must come with intensity, least let them tell me something i can do about the situation.

..........................................

last night where i had this dream was spent at my sister's. i have returned there three times. we dumped our life out on the bed, eyes bloodshot from 3 1/2 hours in the car, peering through the rain and holding on to the wheel much tighter than i needed to. tonight, i am back in my current bed, happy to be home again.

nomad nate, writing from sozoo {south of the zoo} neighborhood, seattle, washington.