nights 41 to 62

i am halfway through my first longer stint of house sitting. it was this three week block of time spent in one place that was the impetus for even considering this nomadic period. and during the first month as a nomad i looked forward to coming to this lovely, adult {read mature} house, perched on phinney ridge and having 3 floors, a grand piano and a well equipped kitchen to myself.

but the night of the migration hit and i found myself exhausted. worn. buried up over my head yet again by the amount of STUFF i have to tote around. overwhelmed by the transience of it all, the loneliness i feared in the empty house i was turning towards, leaving the comfort of two housemates who care so much about me. in the middle of packing up, one of the housemates came in to find me just sitting on the floor, staring into space, surrounded by piles of halfway organized things. it was the low point, my spirit sunked about 10 feet under my body, looking up at me with overly dramatic, pitiful eyes, asking why i had to move yet again, and at 9:30 at night to boot.

hugs were distributed and i found i could carry on my way again.

this burden of dragging feet and spirit is one i'm starting to anticipate, as well as, strangely, the feeling of uncertainty and fear each time i have to move. no matter how imperfect the current situation is, no matter how much i look forward to the next, i can rely on it like an alarm, the desperate clinging that begins right at packing time. and a surprising part of the mix is fighting a feeling of trepidation about whatever awaits me: housemates after having none, a house to myself after enjoying the comfort of housemates....the hypocrisy is as frustrating as it is ironic. and it's not like these are big and dramatic moves, not like that first push off to college, arriving alone in a new city and new life not knowing anyone, not like i have anything but safe and wonderful places to go.

it's humbling to feel my vulnerability each time and encouraging to move through it so quickly.

even though this was not an easy move, late at night, wedged in between a million other things happening, i was relieved to discover almost as soon as i pulled up to the house, opened the sticky basement door, schlepped my things upstairs and started the routine of claiming space and getting situated, the quiet of the new space hugged me as tightly as the good friends i just left.

the past week and a half has treated me well here. a blender i adore, a fridge all to myself filled with the marvelous things i have bought {actually, the first night here, after bringing my stuff up stairs, i went out and celebrated with a big trip to the grocery store to nurture my lonely spirit--good, clean food}. a bed like none other i have slept in. a grand piano with the sheet music for moonlight sonata that i plunk my way through measure by measure whenever i need a change of pace. an amazing flat screen tv and stereo system for watching movies while i edit my way through quite a few photo shoots.

thank you, palatine ave house. you've been great so far and we still have a week and a half more to go on this visit {the first of two house sitting gigs here this fall}.

nomad nate, writing from palatine avenue, phinney ridge, seattle, washington.