for lj

my friend lindsey jo is one of the rare people in the world i can pee in front of without pausing the conversation we're having. at some point, since we're in different time zones, i realized that if i would pee with her in person, there's no stigma against it when we're on the phone, so consequently, she's also the only friend i will pee with on the phone.

i know you're thinking this is tmi {which means "too much information," mom}, but i'm merely giving you a slightly humorous context for how open my friendship with her is. much like sisters, there is a fluidity and closeness that can never be learned. and beyond that, a unique refrain of honesty i don't really have anywhere else. at least not the particular brand we share.

i guess it started with the beginning of our friendship when, at the end of the first night we hung out, i confessed to the rather venomous {at least in side my head} girl envy i had been harboring for her since i first saw her a month or so before. she is gorgeous in a way that melts all men {at least in my head} and has a presence when she just walks into view {not in my head}. my girl envy had sat like a fifty pound toad on my chest any time i saw her until i decided it would no longer get in the way of a friendship with this delightful creature.

so, i confessed it. plain and simple. i probably even apologized for it because i felt as though those kinds of thoughts are never secret, even if they aren't spoken. an hour or two later, my new friend lj, lindsey jo leitner, gorgeous and radiant as always, shocked the hell out of me in return by saying in front of three or four other women: "nat, i just have to say you have the most beautiful breasts...." i think she even went on for another sentence or two and we all had a laugh about it. the next morning i remember asking a mutual friend who was also in attendance to the night and that moment "she really did say breasts, right? not something else and i made an ass of myself for thinking breasts???" yes, nat, she really did say breasts.

mind you, i was on the pill at the time, a bit on the more voluptuous side in general and certainly more heavily endowed. though, in fact, my d'ecolletage either then or now is not the point. the point is our history of this style of honesty, rather daring at times, that has only deepened as the years have added themselves to our friendship.

this summer she spent a week with me at the very end of the film festival, she was my date the final closing night and one of the few people i would have wanted to navigate that space with me. after two years since i last saw her {two??!? really!?!?} it was a welcome week to stretch out into and enjoy the quiet spaces as well as new adventures. but the time wasn't without it's hiccups and we cruised through the d word {disappointment} with as much grace for each other and ourselves as we could, coming out the other side only more firmly grasping and valuing the life between us.

i am so blessed to have her in my life. so blessed. be it phone calls or long rambling voicemails {both given and received}, teary eyed conversations {both in person and not}. joy. color. art. faith. spirituality. adventure. laughter. joy. honor. presence. hope. home. home. home. space. light. love.

i do not know how else to adequately celebrate her birthday, so all i have left to say is: happy birthday, lindsey jo. i give you the perfect blue of a clear hawaiian sky and a lush, verdant green from the dark and rich hawaiian earth.