state of the union

two weeks ago, my body fell apart entirely. it was a complete stalled-by-the-roadside parts-strewn-about-the-highway sort of breakdown. and this second time was rough, particularly so close on the heels of being sick this january. it's hard asking folks to come bring me food, heat things up on the stove, pick my dirty running socks off the floor where i had dropped them 15 minutes before not being able to bend over for about a week. take me to the chiropractor. clean the litter box for the cat that drove me nuts the first few days. cheer me up {there was a lot of that needed}. i am blessed with amazing friends.

but after my body began to mend, my spirit had its own little breakdown, as usual hot on the tails of some major physical ailment {much like in january of this year}. luckily, i have been able to burn through some fairly significant fears of mine, hold them tightly between my hands and stare them in the face. repeatedly. because reasoning them away once wasn't enough.

today was the last move in the internal war. i took the day off and spent three hours traipsing around discovery park, finding lovely places to sit and write and look at the fears at {calm} length--spread them out before me with words on a page. journal. journal. and journal some more. i wrote three long, small-cursive-filled pages and dialogued with the fear, asked her a few questions, and sent her packing as i stepped confidently into what i know of myself, of the situation and reconnected with the self-trust i am mostly quite good at living into these days.