recovering

outside for the first time in the new year. feeling better but also feeling robbed of being aware and present during the shift from one year to the next. while my birthday is a more intimate 'new year' for me, the turning of the year has the weight of the world's awareness behind it and so it feels bigger and more significant.

new years has always been the most spiritual of times for me. spiritual as in of my spirit: where it's been and where it's going.

so, as i recover from strep throat and being achy and miserable during the day, and soaking in sweats at night, i return home to my own space, immaculate from the scrubbing it got on new year's eve all the while trying not to begrudge the 'loss' of the past few days, reminding myself that one of my new year's intentions is to rest and relax more. slow down the frenetic need to accomplish, accomplish, and accomplish that has only served to make me feel like a hamster at its wheel.

poetically enough, i believe i got sick because i have neglected to not only to relax, but also to rest at night during the hours that i know are beneficial to me. staying up till one or two in the morning has become a new habit, completely in service of a never ending to do list. and as much as i tell myself otherwise, i know exactly what i need to do for myself, not only to treat myself well, but also to get where i want to go.

so, cheers to the new year and having the time, space and energy to put into action my knowledge.