i forget that it's not just healthy babies that are born into this world. or, it's not that i forget, but i am luckily allowed to know it only from the words NICU* written next to a family's name, or the success stories as they are being discharged a month or three later. healthier. or at least healthy enough.
and i've been very lucky, as much as i am ready and willing to step up, in that i have never yet been asked to photograph a fetal demise.
so it came as a surprise to me how hard it hit when there was a code blue emergency and a nurse tore out of a room with a baby in her arms saying not again! not again! the grandma trailing worriedly after, pacing the halls as another nurse ran into the room looking for the baby and then back again out to the nursery. dad in the doorway. disappear into the room. more running.
i stood in our office door trying not to gawk. helpless. wanting to walk up to the grandma and rub her back or hold her hand. wanting to know what was happening but also knowing that's not my place.
the baby ended up in NICU under the careful care upstairs and the floor eventually calmed down. but i found myself feeling lost and weepy at unexpected moments throughout the day. the image of the little bundle held away from the nurse's body as she looked down and ran surprising me as i went about my business and walked the halls.
just another reminder of life's fragility left to linger some where in my body.
*neonatal intensive care unit
2 comments:
I think a lot of us with healthy babies tend to block out the fact that there are so many that are not as lucky. I dont think I could do it.......
The mom of one of Aidens best friends at school is a mother/baby nurse at Swedish and she has told me some stories lately that just make the hairs on my arms stand up.
Liz
wow, liz, what's her name. i probably know her if it's the first hill campus.
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