i can't believe i almost missed them. i can't believe i almost didn't go to the show, almost turned around even as late as when i was finding a parking spot. a weird resistance to seeing the show alone had snuck in but i made it past the hesitation and into the venue to be welcomed by the anonymity of darkness and a thick crowd of strangers.
but strangers gradually individualized themselves: the obnoxious taller-than-me-person directly behind me {who later thought it okay to sing along AUDIBLY to the rip--a very quiet song--as well as film over my head, knocking my i-don't-care-what-i-look-like pony tail and bumping the back of my knee a few times too many--grrrrrr and fist shaking to poor concert etiquette}. but then, more importantly, the two from portland standing next to me who thought it adorable {their words} that i was memorizing lines between sets and who, quite magically, ended up becoming concert friends #12 & #13 {more further down}. i had come feeling a bit anti-social and had a book to stick my nose into to boot, so it was a little bit of a double dog dare to the universe to see if anyone would breach my thick walls. evidently the universe had an ace up its sleeve, or perhaps more accurately, two.
but let me tell you about the music. if i can.
it....yes. full. ache. reverberating chest. bass. quake. melting heart. hope slipping in a little too. hand to face. hide. retreat. sound. dissonance. harmony. beth's tiny body, so quiet and understated yet filling us all with her massive voice--harsh at times, but just as easily ready to split open and bleed for us in the next moment. my hand over my own heart for most of the show pressing into the lines of my upper ribcage, holding in the beating because it. was almost. too much. to feel.
and above and beyond it all, the sweeping sensuality of their sound--so beautiful and raw that sexy seems like a childish term for the incredible force of human nature their music brings forward. and part of me, submerged in the delicious chaos of their music, couldn't help but marvel at the apparent contradiction between the mechanical, inhuman and almost overwhelming cacophony and the deep, primal life it evokes. maybe it's because their dissonance is laced with just that perfect amount of heart-wrenching melody, allowing the other worldliness of it all to be grounded in the heart, spirit and body. and as much as i've loved it all these years, their music still surprised me as it arose from the deepest pit of the earth, sliped into my body from my feet, and took up a bold residence in my gut spreading softly through me, pressing its way into my pulse and the swaying dance of my hips. it was inescapable. i could not stand still.
except for wandering star--that was the opposite. i couldn't listen quietly enough to absorb every last sound she made: from the opening notes when i barely knew what was about to hit me to the searing tremble of her voice at the end. it's hard to pick a favorite in a night that included sour times, the rip, glory box, machine gun, & cowboys {just to name a few}, but wandering star just might have come close.
as we cheered our way to the encore, i did something i regretted not asking of my last few concert friends. i leaned over to my new friends jack and alex and shouted: can we go for drinks? we have to go for drinks!
and so we rode the post-concert buzz together, meandering to ballard market, hanging out at golden gardens with cilantro/lemon dip & marzipan chocolate, trekking up to kerry park to overlook the city and just generally reveling in the lovely connections we shared. we exchanged snail mail addresses {hello fellow postcard senders!} and i sent them along their way with some burned cds i had in my car to sweeten their drive home to portland the following day: bon iver, florence & the machine, and a mix of thom yorke/radiohead songs with at least one critical song they had never heard before: all for the best.
i got home at nearly 2am. it was a very good night.
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silence
hunter
nylon smile
mysterons
the rip
sour times
magic door
wandering star
machine gun
over
glory box
chase the tear
cowboys
threads
roads
we carry on
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