29

29 is here.
29 is new.
29 is scary and about doing scary things like acting in a play i've wanted to do for years. and like acting, full stop.
29 is living with the driving need to go running, even if it's just a short 4 mile trot around greenlake before rushing home to go to rehearsal.
29 is the smell of a freshly picked golden delicious apple hand delivered in tissue paper with a gorgeous card.
29 is gratitude for all the birthday wishes delivered via facebook, text {one of which was composed of 19 parts}, gchat, phone, and in person.
29 is knee-weakening gratitude for all the birthday donations to my kickstarter campaign. my heart is full in light of so much generosity.
29 is the giddy joy of freshly homemade gluten-free cake that was so surprisingly beautiful i said holy shit about three times in a row when i first saw it.
29 is the sassy boldness of eating yet another piece of said cake at 10:30pm no matter what my waistline threatened to do in response.
29 is staying up until 2am making sure i've got the next day's lines memorized.
29 is facing the vulnerable uncertainty of waiting for someone. even if the wait is short {in the grand scheme of things}. even if the wait leaves my achilles heel so obviously exposed in the meantime.
29 is the confidence and strength to live in uncertainty.
29 is having a real savings account for the first time in my life.
29 is hoping for the grace to be compassionate with myself in the middle of a bad day {like tuesday} when the world doesn't organize itself to my liking and the weight of all the stresses in my life presses down on my spirit. good stress & bad stresses alike: busy work schedule, rehearsal & production demands i can never somehow meet, relationships in grey zones, a living situation that is challenging for me, a never ending to-do list, never enough sleep, need i go on....?.
29 is the optimism that i can find self-compassion and welcome it into my daily life.
29 is the hope that i can let go of my perfectionism.
29 is the last year of my twenties. the second half of my saturn return. a new phase. a new year.
29 is here.