somewhere around 4am last night, i was sitting in a hot tub with two of my coachella clan,
and one of them asked me what i would say to thom if i ever met him.
it was a good question.
and one i only had a brief response to:
i would look him in the eyes and thank him.
thank him for being a conduit.
thank him for providing over a decade of resonance for me.
just thank him.
then last night, i had probably the most intimate dream of him yet.
it was post show, coachella, but somehow we were in new york city out in central park.
night time.
i walked up to him
and just like that, he looked all the way through me and asked me: what do you want?
but not as hey stranger, what do you want? but nathania, dear, what do YOU want? from me? from life? from yourself?
and i don't know what my answer was, but it seemed to be bigger and denser than my dreamself could fathom.
and i didn't need to search for it because it was there, ready, waiting
and it filled me up.
then he asked "will you walk with me?"
and i said YES with all my heart
but without having to say a word.
i got my walk.
and i even feel like i got many more.
it's only a matter of time now.
2 comments:
All other people in your dreams are symbolic of parts of yourself. This is always always the case. It's how your subconscious is trying to communicated important messages to you. What resonates with you about him is that in yourself which longs to be expressed. The dreams are not at all about him. They are your own self communicating with you in the way it best knows to get Its message across.
thank you for your comment. several months back i even wrote almost exactly what you say here** though you cut right to the heart of it so wonderfully and leave me aching to live inside this part of myself that has the capacity to be such a generous conduit for myself and others....she's there. she looked me in the eyes through his own and asked me what i wanted. so close. so close.
thanks again for your comment.
**from "live, from the basement" from 12.31.09: "again, i note that he keeps on progressively getting closer to me each time i dream of him.
and again, i note that his presence has less to do with the platonic crush i have on him and is rather connected to my desire to make work as pure and beautiful as what he has achieved."
Post a Comment