bruises

i fell in slow motion today.
the distance between where i wanted to land
and where i ended up landing
stretched out ........................... i........ n ...........d ...... e . . f ....... i ......... n ....... i...... t .......e........ l ........y
as my body floated downward
carried forward by the weight of the television i carried in my arms

until it hit the wall and i hit the ground.


i had to sit on the floor for a few moments in amazement and shock, staring at my ring that so recently adorned my right pinky and now was sitting in a pile of crumbling plaster that had also until recently been living peacefully on the surface of the wall. then we scooted quickly on in to eden's new apartment before anyone figured out i put that new gouge in the wall.

i immediately hit the ground again, with her this time, laughing, all the while nonchalantly surveying the damage to my knees and ankles and listening to her in disbelief as she said

well of course, you even fall gracefully.

hmm...that even weighs a few pounds.
i guess i did feel a bit graceful as i smoothly glided for the 15 seconds (perceived time) that i spent traveling the one and a half/two seconds (actual time) between the tricky step and the floor, but i don't feel graceful most days.

just big and flailing.

more thinking on the difference between perceived truths and objective truths when it comes to self-image. all this personal growth since high school and yet the gap still seems to be lingering.