eat pray love

i just finished this magnificent book today. so wonderful.
the writer, elizabeth gilbert, is funny, grounded, and completely open and unapologetic. towards the end she even wrote about masturbation {this is a true story of her travels} which is something i give her a lot of props for in my head. her account chronicles the ups and downs of her spiritual and personal journey {one and the same in my view}, love life, sex life {or celibate life for most of her trip}, etc and it's all there is clean and simple words.

in a slightly tangential direction {i circle back, i promise}, one of the things that has most lingered with me after seeing gloria steinem speak last month {after the elegant lines and gestures of her hands} was a question i misinterpreted. the facilitator for the panel of feminists had asked: what do you risk to write? and she received answers like i risk to be seen. i risk to be heard. or not heard. etc. what i had initially understood of the question was: what is risky for you to write?

this is a question i want to answer and challenge myself to risk here in this space. on this blog. what are these risky bits of myself that i don't feel like i can advertise? the first and foremost answer i always hear is: my sexuality. my sexual development and confidence, that, quite frankly, has made leaps and bounds in these past 8 months of being with my current lover and dear dear friend, az. {yes, we shy away from boyfriend/girlfriend. yes, it's a serious relationship and yet at the same time, no, i don't necessarily see him as the man i will marry or have children with, but if that happened, i wouldn't feel sorry about it. i just feel pretty certain there are other long term partners for each of us.}

so, how can i present this journey toward a confident sexual being here in this space and how do i make it tactful, graceful, elegant and yet still be open and unapologetic? how do i let it be what it is truthfully, without editing and controlling the presentation too much for fear of its reception?

it's something i've been mulling over for the past month, so reading her story has been a good way of observing the way she navigates these waters. i've taken a lot of mental notes on how she discusses everything from sobbing on the bathroom floor with gobs of snot running out of her nose, to {non-judgmental} observations of her body while she slowly gained 25 pounds inhaling pasta in italy, to the physical and emotional transformations associated with crossing over into early stages of enlightenment. so easefully written. truthful and unadorned except for sprinkles of humor and vavacity that make me feel like she's one of my good friends.

well done, liz.

oh, and if you haven't seen her TED talk, you should do so here. she speaks as nicely as she writes.