3.01.2009

open hands

i have just let go of a massive piece of my story.
it went via the empty trash button.
every email.
even the last piece/peace.

i am a preservationist and the hardest thing for me to cut from myself are the objects that harbor memories. even objects that only exist in cyber space. even objects that tether me to bad memories. i haven't gone back and reread any of them. and i never intended to. but just knowing that they are there. knowing the fact that those memories can be accessed is a comforting thought.

i don't want to lose them.

even though the thing i wanted most i already lost a long time ago.

i guess it's my consolation prize. the thing i have in place of what i really want{ed}. and maybe that's what i do on a daily basis as i hold on to all my memories a little tighter than the next person.

a death grip on the ephemeral.
nice one, nathania.
maybe it's time to cut away a few other things as well.


currently listening to: the purr of my computer, the soft outside noises coming through a slightly cracked window, and breathing.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

One step closer. :)

Anonymous said...

Cheers!

And as a totally cool coincidence, the word verification (composed of reandom letters) to ensure I'm not a Spambot posting this comment is "Metagrit".

Meta: A prefix meaning one level of description higher. If X is some concept then meta-X is data about, or processes operating on, X.
For example, a metasyntax is syntax for specifying syntax, metalanguage is a language used to discuss language, meta-data is data about data, and meta-reasoning is reasoning about reasoning.

Grit: firmness of character; indomitable spirit; pluck: She has a reputation for grit and common sense.

nathania tenwolde said...

thanks, boys. i appreciate the support. onward. onward. ever onward.

marcusbatey said...

I think you're doing better than me :)

I need to do some of the same...

nathania tenwolde said...

oh buddy, it's all about the baby steps. seriously.