the quarter started off uniquely in that i didn't want to be there.
i was sick, my neck was one turn to the right shy of being completely thrown out of whack, and i needed a few extra days of quiet before the onslaught. but then class started and the momentum absorbed me.
not getting sucked in by the work isn't an option i guess.
even though the class ended early due to snow {which, by the way, can be dumped on us till may now that i have waterproof boots}, there was still time for a significant activity we completed that is still sieving through my mind.
we had five prompts. and the object was to take the first thought/idea/emotion/image that strikes us in response to the prompt, live this idea fully in our body and come up with an essential gesture to express this idea. take the idea, absorb it, and live it fully in our body.
the prompts were: that golden time when..., your greatest longing, your greatest joy, your greatest shame, and your source of power.
the one that was most significant was the first thing that came to mind when she said those words "what is your source power? that thing specific to you that is your strength." what came to mind first was:
my body.
my six footness. every inch. even the painful top three inches that are the difference between being a tall woman and a tall woman. even the {poor attempt at shortening myself} slumped shoulders. and perhaps most particularly the sensuality i'm just starting to let free.
the final movement, the essence of the idea and experience of it, was arms extended above the head and fingers flexed and alternating in a powerful motion downward like a bold/strong movement down a lover's back. confident. sultry. present.
later we had to string the different movements together to make a phrase, and pick one of the gestures to repeat several times. she spoke about how, through the repetition, one is able to till further into the depths of an idea, but i still never expected how aggressive the gestures became by doing it once, twice, three, four, five? times. i was able to use the freedom i was living toward my body and tap into the holding space where i put all of my extremes. where i hold myself in. throw down the sand bags so that even the rising waters of can't seep through. but it's there. waiting for me to give it permission.
and i was reminded again about what a friend suggested: that my inability to express my sensuality is linked to my inability to release my rage. my violence. my self to the point of inflicting bodily harm in the name of the people i love.
i still have so much to learn about myself.
daunting/really exciting.
{and for those jumping into my writing, this is in reference to specific acting class assignments that involve imagining life changing circumstances to the farfarfar extreme. so, rest assured, i am still a healthy, well adjusted citizen of the cosmos.}
currently listening to: a mix cd from a friend titled usda grade a nut butter.
~nate the nut.
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