houses of hope

my hope has taken a little beating recently and has been a little slower to recover than i thought. i guess i am to blame because i keep stringing it along, far far far against my better judgment. but i also know that my hope is an optimistic organ and keeps looking up into the sky through its black and blue eyes.

two nights ago i was a little heavier in spirit {that weird black cloud of a day that came and went without much explanation} so i went to sleep mulling about hope and how to heal it. my thoughts were rewarded as i ended up having a wonderful dream, only a few seconds long, but one in which hope was this perfect new home i was being given.

all day yesterday i mused on the idea of this new house, somehow both warmed yet feeling like i was betraying the home i currently live in that is only just emerging in its full colors. and last night's dream relayed that split: i was offered a spot in a house with three housemates. one of them was my older brother and two other good friends {one of whom is an ex from several years ago}--all were old housemates. but there was this sense of going backwards and the space itself was ugly, carpeted, dark, poorly furnished, much like the house we all lived in together. despite the fact that it made sense financially, my heart was hurting as i made preparations to move in. but at the last minute, i canceled my move out and stayed in my current place and the relief i felt in the dream carried over into waking life as i woke up shortly afterward and was more than relieved to see that i was still in my own darling beautiful home.

between the two nights i am reassured. i am on the right path and the new space for hope that i am being given is the one i am creating a little bit more every day.

yesterday the new and infinitely superior earring holder was finished {thanks to az and his power tools--though i must say i was doing most of the drilling}, today a canvas was hung and the books were further rearranged. tomorrow is the first thorough housecleaning and saturday the second gathering of folks since i moved in.

yes, the two of us are a pretty content pair for now and i have so much gratitude for my ability to afford to live alone and in such a lovely environment. thank you, universe, for your abundant gifts. i welcome the hope that i find here.