i joined a studio on monday, which, as the quirk of my eyebrows you can't see suggests, is still a bit of an emotional commitment that scares me. it's a dedicated practice to my mind and body that comes with this dollar sign that makes me nervous. the first two months are reasonable because they lure you in like drug dealers with 2 months for $99 then hit you with $120 a month on the other side of the addiction.
and for some reason the dollar sign couples with these vague threats to my ego so i almost turned around two or three times on my way to the studio that first day.
my ego, the sly dog, is very comfortable in its position of power and it knows it cannot possibly stay the same with yoga. it threw up all these things in my way and then some more for good measure.
what if i can't afford it on the other side?
why don't i just stick with the Y {which i'm not going to at all right now for yoga or otherwise for a variety of reasons which the ego very well knows}? it's so much cheaper, you can swim or do cardio or weights?
what if....
what about...
all these pretty lame excuses flew at me left and right but i plowed on and made it there that day, and then next, and then again tonight.
and the practice, in a group of focused and dedicated students, is light years away from what i got from the Y and is more motivating and more of a challenge both physically and spiritually than i could ever find there. and, the heaviness of spirit that has been buzzing in my ears has started to fade and i don't even care any more if tomorrow is sunny or not.
oh, and one last thing. the first night after i joined, kept near-awake and hovering just below consciousness a lot because of my {strangely} sore joints, i had a dream that i could lean out over my leg, comfortably hold on to my feet and then lay my chest flat onto my thigh and hug it to me.
at this point, this can only happen in a dream, but man, it would be nice to be bendy like that.
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