trapdoors

how can i possibly spend an hour searching for something i know isn't there?
neither by google nor facebook or even, in desperation, bing do i find you.
the problem is, i don't have a name, at least not the right one
so the wrong is the only one i know how to enter
wrong
wrong
and wrong again.

so when will i stop looking for the wrong thing and just wait for the right one tiptoe up and knock on my door?
when will i possibly learn to act on the belief i deserve what i ask for?

in the meantime the years are spanned by thick dreams and i can't shake the distaste of seeing you again.

i cling to the hopeful note that i also dream of the lengthy elves of iceland and see the shifting bodies in the crowd take a shape i can't quite interpret.