home sick

for the first time since july, i was seriously home sick. home sick for a bath i can stretch my whole length out into, homesick for the quiet welcome of my living room furniture, the beautiful assurances of my library, my birds, my bedroom flooded with light, the view from my window, my narrow kitchen, these spaces that are past tense. missing. missed. another peace. another piece.

i even went so far as to think about apartment hunting today — craigslist, a tempting click away — but i know too much now. i know an apartment will not quiet the restless worry, just keep it at bay. it will not solve problems {that aren't mine to solve anyway}, merely provide a distraction and illusion of control.

my to-do list is longer than my arm, but tonight, i left rehearsal, put away my actor hat, my producer hat, even my best friend hat and sat in a bath with some poetry.



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two vignettes from tonight's bath time poetry session. i was reading from the collection behind my eyes by li-young lee


from become becoming


wait for the sky's last blue
(the color of your homesickness).
then you'll know the answer




from secret life


and when it's time, the dove


calls from its hiding place
and leaves the morning greener


and the one who hears the dove more alone.