here we are.

so this is it.

my dad is here and this is what i've witnessed:

he feels shorter
there's more grey in his hair
he's starting to look over sixty {which is still good because he's 64}
{the first night} i noticed he talked a lot. a little rambly. and despite the understandable excuse of jet lag, i also realized he was probably covering up a lot of silence with his words. and then i started wondering about what scared him in the silences. probably a lot.
i also noticed some of his stories were about giving him worth and i realized he still is unsure we'll see it on our own.
i've noticed he makes a gentle and purposeful effort to be tuned in to each of us kids. to sit with us and talk and listen.
he wants us all to be happy.
he sits with me to make sure i'm not alone.
he has read a good deal of my blog which he calls "blog emails" since they are emailed to my mom and then she forwards them on to him. he's still a little confused by computers.
he's very curious about radiohead, asked to listen and after i played cymbal rush and the disc changed said: keep it on that radiohead music.
he asks when he thinks i'm upset.
he's taking me to the symphony tomorrow night. beethoven's 9th.
he doesn't let me apologize for taking time to myself which could otherwise be spent with the family and him.
he is more open and accessible than i have ever witnessed in 27 years of knowing him
and in turn i am more open and accessible to him.
he understands.
and not only does he understand, but he's capable of communicating that he understands.

so here we are and i find i have more than i would ever have asked for.