just a few wee ones, like mt. rainier and a fourteener or two in colorado. i need to cultivate the adventurous part of me. groom her up. let her out. i think i have a these tight boundaries of safety built around me. unfortunately they aren't defined by my personality, but out of this rather restrictive need to defend myself. against what, i'm not sure, but i feel this tension between what i want to do and what i will let myself do.
a good friend named this internal boundary dispute quite adeptly this past winter. i brought by my then current boyfriend (of sorts) and i think we discussed the rather....quirky/exotic tattoo he was about to get. she looked at me and said: "he is good for you, nat. you have this definite line of where you will or won't go that is set out of fear. and he'll help you move past that." well, whether or not he was actually good for me then or at any point is still yet to be determined, but my friend was incredibly accurate on a few parts. 1. there is a crazier side of me than has been aired in the light of day and 2. i have needed a little help getting there.
but i think i've found an even better source: the mountains, the wilderness, the off the beaten trail. some of the best moments of the trip were in the scrambling expanse of my aunt and uncle's backyard (also known as national forest service land and the rocky mountain national park). i need to polish this part of me. see what's under the grime of disuse and fear.
No comments:
Post a Comment