a h m

born adelbert hougham mikesell january 28th, 1914
died alfred houghham mikesell june 25th, 2008

on my last real visit with my grandfather, sometime in early april i think, he told me the story of discarding adelbert and taking up alfred. adelbert was too german for post-war america. too soft. too feminine. i think he was about twelve when his family moved to the bay area of california (and the reason behind so many golden gate bridge postcards in the collection i inherited from him). at some point on the drive there, they stopped for a break and he got out of the car and he shouted off a cliff: "no more adelbert. i am alfred mikesell." his mom was crying in the background. adelbert had been a darling name to her.

i like the fact that he changed his name. i like the fact that he chose his name. i have been able to do a little bit of both. nathania was given but never fully. it was tania for many years until my cousin bullied me into seeing how unique and beautiful nathania was. i was visiting her in new york city and she insisted on introducing me as: "...my cousin, nathania. isn't that just a beautiful name? she's visiting from seattle..." that was the summer right after i graduated high school and yet i'm still working on owning the name completely. one of the aunts kept calling me natasha at the funeral. it was cute. i didn't correct her because i enjoyed the fact that an effort was simply being made. changing names amongst family who have known you for so long is always a bit tricky.

i embrace all forms of nicknames that are scions of the full name, nat (given by the aussies - they can't say anything over one or two syllables - macca's = mcdonalds, brekky = breakfast, uni, folio, unco = uncoordinated....), nate (given by my favorite professor), nathy (from one of my candidates from lebanon), and hania (my current housemate). tania will probably always feel foreign to me except when spoken by family (nostalgia value), though tan is somehow acceptable, and tawny wahny (used only by my younger bro these days) still makes me chuckle. piggy buckabum: one from the far reaches of my childhood somehow a derivative of my love for chewing gum and my father's bizarro sense of humor. there is a five year old in me somewhere still cringing at the thought of that name.

grandpa was grandpa. or grandfather if i am speaking of him. alfred h mikesell. mike. grandpa mike. some of the post cards are addressed to professor mike. and once upon a time ago, adelbert. i'm not sure what picture it depicts, but one of my favorite postcards is to adelbert mikesell. it was written by my great grandfather who had been traveling to texas at the time. oh wait, i do know what was on the front of the card: something from the native americans from the region. he said they "whooped" quite loudly and spoke of anticipating being home again with the family. christmas was right around the corner and he was obviously looking forward to the celebrations. his script was elegant. he signed the card "love, Daddy."

of course we know everyone is a child at some point, but those two simple words hone in for me the reality that my grandfather was a child once who called someone Daddy.



currently listening to: new sigur ros (still); take me home & uncle sam goddam - brother ali; love in this club - usher.