3/3

as it is past midnight, later today i'll be seeing radiohead for the third and final time of this tour. it's going to be good night, i already know and special in a way i can't foresee. i'm not sure how to explain it beyond that and there is no reason for my premonition beyond a calm certainty i felt pretty strongly while traveling to see the first two shows. seattle will be the crowning delight. seattle will be a special show. 

so here i am: overdue for sleep and with an alarm set to blast an hour or three before my body would prefer, but it's going to be a good day in line. even a bit of good weather i see. and i am ready for the ride that will be tomorrow's show.

i'm bringing a friend who wasn't seen them before. in fact, this is the friend i made at bon iver back in september, and as you can see from the post script of that entry, i knew it was only a matter of time before we saw radiohead together.


and putting a few things into words tonight, i realized a big piece of how i experience radiohead live is centered around the fact that even though i am loving every minute of the concert, carried away by the life and energy of it all, that the experience is laced with a slow and steady heartache that i was not chosen to be the kind of conduit thom yorke is. i will not move people in the way he does with such searing truth and in such great numbers. i lack that genius. i lack that focus. i lack something, i know this. we can't all be special. we can't all move the world. but i harbor the desire {not of my own volition for the most part} and i guess what i am facing today {for the 11th time} is a deep disappointment that i won't ever accomplish what he has accomplished even as i sit and watch and love the artist who somehow did get that opportunity and gift.



see you on the other side.

{top photo: from the st. louis show. 

bottom photo by elaine zeman: there i am in the dead 

center of the frame. on the rail at kansas city, rapt}