the first was by way of an anonymous comment left on my blog. as happens about once every six months, some nameless, faceless person stops by and speaks truth into the very thing i need to hear most. usually a thing i already know but am try my hardest to forget. one of those universal truths we all try our best to kick up some dust to veil it.
the comment came when my heart was already sore, a day or two after i had come to the end of waiting for news i knew/feared was only a matter of time before i received. i saw the email with the comment in it appear, felt the weight of it before my eyes took in any of the words, and asked a coworker to hold her thought {mid-sentence} as i read it once, silently. then twice, aloud to my co-worker. and the two of us sat in tears in our little office resonating in the truth of it. overflowing with gratitude and hope and sorrow.
in case you missed it, this is what they wrote in response to the entry give up the ghost:
i notice a lot of your posts of the past and present center around getting to the other side of where you are right now through some self imposed journey...as if once you just do these certain things you'll be better, more powerful, stronger, more talented, whatever...continuous self growth and expansion is essential in life, but i think it is possible that your thoughts and feelings around this are the root of any unhappiness, impatience, and frustration that you experience... it's like you're searching out there, in some other space in time, for when you get to be happy...but as long as you keep doing that, you will have no choice but to keep searching...you hold a lot of judgments on yourself and compare yourself with where others are, and that's not what it is about because you will never be them nor should you be...they are not more talented or genius or gifted or special...they just know and accept and cultivate who THEY are...cultivate self love and self acceptance of your own sweet self, which will bring you balance and presence in the now moment, and that's when your outward search will end and you will become grounded in your real power...there is no arrival, place to get at, person to become...it's all already within you. you're it,right now.
the second prophet was by way of client from work. someone with whom i had an instantaneous connection to as soon as i walked into the room. the details of her struggles i cannot reveal due to work confidentiality, but we had a conversation about how our lives, despite looking so very different from the outside, have dealt with many of the very same issues of self-worth, addiction, faith, and strength. it was an incredible time i had in the room several weeks ago and it's been one of those run-ins that simmers in the memory, savored for its various tones and textures.
and then today, out of the blue we're in contact again, confirming to the other how much we've both lingered in the memory of our exchange during the past few weeks. and the words she wrote to me, about me, in encouragement of me...again, i was in tears at the simple beauty and appreciation of it. and most importantly, her words were laced with the perfect dose of reflection allowing me insight into how i contribute to the situation i am currently butting my head against for the way-beyond-intolerable-number-th time. by shining a light on her own flaws, her own story, she reminds me that i am the only one getting in the way of what i want.
i am the only one getting in the way of what i want.
two prophets speak the same message and in the same language.
and the third? well, the third comes from my dear friend by way of a {seemingly} random meditation exercise she sent my way. the same message as the two above, but contained in this poem by mary oliver:
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
