25 days left

it's june now.
june=the last month of meisner.
i know i've been light on the meisner entries since the tail end of the last quarter, but it's still been a bi-weekly presence in my life. and now it's almost done. june 25th. mark your calendars folks. we have a showcase of the scenes we're working on that night.
even the thought of the night makes my stomach curdle.
the end of meisner.
the night when all the last nine months come out and parade around in the form of these scenes that have way too much pressure on them at the moment. i'm choking myself up. smothering my creativity under the weight of it has to be perfect. the scene has to show how much you've learned. how much you've worked. and how good of an actor you are and will ever be.
and don't forget the least helpful of the bunch: you'll never be able to let this or that bit of hester smit come alive in you, nathania. nope, you won't find her. no, you can't transform into her. no, you can't let her come alive in you. find a new life in you.


i have fits and starts. little revelations. but i need a landslide of inspiration to come and sweep me away.

now.

or in a few minutes.

please, dear god, please. i love this character. i want to do her justice. i want to do myself justice. i want to do well for me and for my scene partner, az. and i want to do well for all the people coming to see me living and breathing all the hard work of the past year and all the proof that the next undetermined bit of my life won't be foolishly spent in the pursuit of acting as a career.

yes. yes. yes to i'm not sure what but something to counteract all the no's i've been chorusing through my head since we've started these scenes.
yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.
yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.
yes. yes. yes.

yes.



currently listening to: kristina morland - pidgin music.