seattle and vancouver - 8.19 & 8.20

you and who's army - 2nd encore - dedicated to the people
in seattle during the wto protests.

either the gloaming or climbing up the walls
(photo - eden smith)

faust arp - this was before one of the two huge mistakes
thom made in singing this song. they took a break after the first mistake
and started plucking a neil young song. phil, the drummer ran out
and threw a dollar bill at thom as though they were street performers.

there was much laughter from thom and even shy jonny revealed

his enjoyment of this exchange. colin came out and immediately threw his arms

around thom in a bear hug when the rest of the band returned to the stage.
(photo - eden smith)

(photo - eden smith)

(photo - eden smith)

(photo - eden smith)

currently listening to: kid alive - radiohead

michael phelps part 2.

hmm....not sure what i feel about the whole uber celebrity status he's now achieved. good for him, but don't know if i like the fact that we need to smother ourselves in a person so much.

where is our moderation?

i haven't been paying attention...

not only did i miss out on getting pit tickets for seattle during the pre-sale, but i also missed out that radiohead's animated music video contest for in rainbows was happening until well after initial submissions were due. i wonder what i would have come up with....something photo based like the videotape winner, but far less high tech i'm sure. i love the puppetry winner for weird fishes (except perhaps for the creepy faces, which i'm sure the band appreciated).


see for yourself: http://radiohead.com/deadairspace/




currently listening to: radiohead. radiohead. radiohead.

if you haven't been paying attention....

then take a moment and look up his 8 races. particularly #1, #7 and #8. pretty spectacular. the 4x100 free was my first hit of the phelps drug for me. found it randomly online at msn.com. absolutely unbelievable comeback, almost as good as his win in the 100m butterfly a few days later. i am my mother's daughter and undeniably guilty of tearing up watching his mother's reaction to his #7 win. she kept on holding up two fingers in shock long after the results were posted showing that he didn't take silver. the best moment is the split second before her legs give way and she has to sit down.

20 world records were set this olympics, more than the amount of the last two olympics combined. phelps set (or helped set) seven of them.

it's been a year and i really miss being in a pool.....




there is a large part of me that sings really loudly whenever i watch sports. not any old sport mind you, golf and football (of the american variety) will always numb me to sleep, but most anything else just sets me on fire - basketball, swimming, swimming, swimming, rowing, soccer, gymnastics... this is really frustrating since i have the perfect body for a rower, but never could get the determination and focus thing down on a consistent basis to go anywhere.

there must be some short circuit in my system that doesn't let me sit down and really drive into something. i always thought acting would be immune from this glitch, but i am finding that it will take a lot to retrain my fluid sense of focus. i guess in acting i hope i've found the one thing that will provide a worthy goal for myself - something worth tearing down this wall of mediocrity or "safe" excellence (never the best but most always above average) that i have built around myself to keep me in and most importantly safe.



currently listening to: the national anthem.

a little yellow awl

it's the one we got in our bookbinding class junior year of college in janna harper's bookbinding class. a plastic handle much like an abbreviated version one would expect on a screw driver, ridges and all. not nearly as nice as the wooden beast that has replaced it - holes are so much easier to make now and i always have preferred having things made of natural materials.

but i miss the little guy. even the ugly neon color of the handle. i don't regret passing it on when and how i did, but sad to let go of the hope of ever seeing it again.




currently listening to: high & dry - radiohead

the reckoner

i've had this song on repeat since last night. thom yorke's falsetto.....jf;lasijdrlskfjlsarijkcyuuuum.

the song is full and tragic and beautiful and i love it's metallic and rollicking percussion at the entry and the humming crescendo around the 3:20 mark.

i'm gearing up to see radiohead next week.

radiohead has been a constant in my music collection since mid-high school. a lot of people find them depressing which has always been puzzling to me. their music, while melancholy overall, simply has the effect of heightening whatever mood i am in currently. they are the mallet that strikes the tuning fork inside of me. yet another form (and one of the biggest and most consistent) of resonance i am endlessly searching for.

and at the center of it all is thom, who is probably my biggest artistic hero of all time. he lives himself so fully and truthfully and densely. i've always felt he was a conduit, tapping into something beyond the human experience, and selflessly letting himself resonate with whatever comes through and to him. i don't mean this in the sense of kitchy new age speak, just something simple and beyond the boundaries the rest of us abide by. it was really gratifying after all these years of thinking the above to hear him say as much in an interview. he said he doesn't know where it comes from, he just plugs himself in and goes for it {http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWOKtktYfP0}.

they say einstein's brain was massive and heavy and that there were signs of use in places the rest of us simply don't have access. makes me wonder if thom yorke's emotional circuitry is more complex than the average human being - how many other people can make the act of writing their name on their water bottle such a distinct and lovely act of self-expression? he just stands out in how purely he moves through time and space and i will spend the rest of my life striving to do the same.

almost all my morals would go out the window to get my hands on the above water bottle...

currently listening to: reckoner - radiohead
photo credit: radiohead website

bad dreams

betrayal. i had a dream my ex was with someone else while he was with me. the woman was being elusive about when exactly the two of them got together (and perhaps they were still together in the dream), but i read between the lines and knew he had cheated on me. she was smug. they are always smug in the dreams - well, the two that i've had of him being with other women. achingly vicious women.

i woke up with a bad taste in my mouth and a revival of disappointment. it all came out of nowhere (or everywhere) to haunt me today and i just want to put it down again - sweep it under the rug.




currently listening to: radiohead and the eraser in preparation for the radiohead concert in a week and a half!!!!

class

i have 32 hours of class in 8 days. and this is not including outside rehearsal, research or script memorization.

my biggest goal this week is to find a character in me that is marla singer from fight club. she is incredibly full and alive and off the wall and sexual and bold and i don't even know where to begin.

but bring. it. on.

more to follow after this week of no personal time.