my resolution to reach a reconciliation between heart and mind {and perhaps even toss out the heart altogether for a bit} didn't last a week. hardly a day. i cannot live with anything but my heart first and forward-most. it was silly of me to make threats and consider otherwise.
but something needed/needs to change and all i can think to do is seek advice from the 86 year old version of myself – the weathered, sweet woman who has seen the world, lived it in, loved it best, and learned to soften the voices inside her head long ago. she is the one i turn to these days when uncertainty stares me down and fears fester inside me. she is kind and patient and smiles often with this knowing look that hurts my heart to think too much about – hurts because she can look back at me, at this person i often struggle so hard to find, and appreciate the work i'm doing for her, and in turn, give me back a little of the wisdom i'm slowly uncovering that she's steeped in for years.
thank you my friend, mother of my children, keeper of my future. you make my present clearer.
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